Why you Shouldn’t Aspire to Become a Pick up Artist / PUA
Look at the dangers of aspiring to become a superficial sex god pick up artist dating thousands of hot women in your imaginary world where the 4 you tricked into sleeping with you was actually a 10.
Just in that one paragon of the worst case scenario we can see:
- Superficial and FAKE behavior – He presents this fake mask to the world in order to hide the real “man” cowering beneath it. Because then women can’t criticize or hurt the real him, they can only hurt the PUA persona. This is actually very unattractive to socially unintelligent women as evolution has given them the ability to sense that you are somehow not genuine and thus completely backfires on the best women.
- Insecure Ego – For socially intelligent people who realize this guy is completely blind to social feedback that validly criticizes his behavior as creepy, we know what he is doing and he is fooling no one.
- False belief that you need to trick women into having sex. They don’t need to be tricked, you don’t need to use 20 year old routines from internet forums
- Needs Validation from Women. Notice how the guy in this example only smiles when the girl finally gives him her phone number, and he happily runs away with his prize. Many guys think they need this value from girls to feel better about themselves. Some of them even need validation from other men, and only want to approach girls to impress their friends. You don’t need to get validation from anybody except yourself. You don’t need to get approval from anybody.
These are just a few of the obvious symptoms we can see from an example like this. Dreaming of becoming a pick up artist is strange. Wanting to use people, or trick women into becoming sexually attracted to you is negative but wanting to become good at interacting with women and anybody in any social interaction is very admirable.
You don’t need to become a powerful seducer with an encyclopedic knowledge of secret seduction tricks. The reason this was a huge problem a long time ago and still a problem today is that men without the social skills to attract women into their lives think they aren’t good enough.
So to remedy this lack of social skills they search on the internet for any suggestions of how to get success with women. After digging through some very crappy suggestions they come across pick up related books, websites, products, openers, routines, and entire models of social interaction and as they have no reference for judging what might be good from horrific nonsense, they begin to try a few things out. And when they finally start getting some success and have sex with a few girls, they believe these routines, lines, and structured models of social interaction are completely responsible for it.
And believe me I know what that feeling is like. The first time I brought a girl home and showed her some very awesome magic tricks, cubed her, did some other psychology games and other routines on her and she had a very positive reaction I was excited and felt like, “wow, this crap actually works.” I kept using the “routines” that I genuinely enjoyed using for a while. And I completely understand that when you are completely lacking in social skills and suggestions you need some direction and suggestions to help you understand how to actually interact with women in a positive attractive way.
There are a lot of excellent suggestions for how to have fun, honestly, confidently, and directly interact with high value women and people out there, this site included of course, but you don’t need to rely on even the best advice once you start building experience and self-esteem in yourself.
Don’t care about getting judged.
Women don’t need to be tricked into liking you for a relationship or for sex. Not all women want a relationship. You can have a genuine interest in getting to know every fascinating quality of her personality and not be interested in letting her be your girlfriend, and she would still enjoy amazing sex with you as long as you can make her feel comfortable and allow her to follow your lead.
A related problem to this is that you start believing women aren’t actually attracted to you, they are attracted to the pick up artist persona you project to them. I don’t think this is such a common problem that we are consciously aware of. But subconsciously it can make you feel you have a dependency on routines and gamey phrases you read online or got from other PUAs. What happens when you run out of those things? You have nothing except your real personality which is still a shriveled skeleton that hasn’t been to the gym to exercise its emaciated social muscles in forever.
You should be interacting with the world as yourself to avoid that problem. If you don’t like yourself and feel the need to hide it behind routines, or you feel like you aren’t worthy of the women you approach, then you will reek of insecurity and that odor pushes people away fast.
If you don’t like yourself,
then why should anyone else?
I like myself. I don’t need to prove I’m awesome because I know I am. Most guys are desperate for approval, especially from women. They need that approval to convince themselves they are awesome. When they don’t get that approval they feel like shit because their awesomeness is dependent on that validation.
Have you ever thought a girl wouldn’t be interested in you, before even talking to her? You fail. Don’t listen to that voice in your mind that says the girl you are interested in approaching is too young for you, too hot for you, too insert any adjective for you.
Women know what you think about yourself the moment you make eye contact with them or approach them. When you walk up trying to hide your intentions by asking directions or giving some lame indirect opener you are telegraphing that you believe you aren’t good enough for her to be naturally interested in you, and you believe you need to trick her into paying attention to you.
Trying to trick people into paying attention to you comes from insecurity.
So how do we develop the confidence to interact with women and all people honestly?
First I would recommend rewiring your definition of failure if you haven’t already. I am constantly amazed at the negative beliefs of many of my daygame students. They will approach a girl, she’ll just walk away after a few seconds or even minutes and he’ll come back saying he “failed.” Failed what exactly? How is it even possible any guy could have sex with every girl he ever talks to!? How and why would you ever do that? How can you have such a precise and impossible definition of success?!
I am literally amazed at how many guys don’t understand this yet. Just by approaching her, you have a success! You have more confidence than so many other guys who don’t have the guts to even approach! The most important thing is you get experience. Learn from your mistakes. Maybe you were too close, your voice wasn’t loud enough, or you did some awkward body language. Learn from it and move on. Think something positive about every interaction. Maybe she walked, smiled, or talked funny. Focus on the positive and consider every interaction as a success!
People worry too much about failure. They avoid trying new things because they are embarrassed of failing. That’s why people don’t learn a new instrument, learn a new language, or start a new business, because they are worried about being embarrassed if they don’t successfully master that new pursuit. Being unskilled at something is the first step to becoming badass at it!
If you set expectations you know you can reach, you can be satisfied by yourself right now. If you know you are who you should be and want to be, you accept yourself. When you are continuing to do what you want to do you are becoming successful.
You don’t need to force people to look at how successful you are, your whole personality, and behavior will project that you are successful at life.